Bad Conversation Starters

Running out of things to say with your woman? You’ll want to shy away from these fiery topics like the plague. Unless of course you don’t care any more and have a morbid curiosity as to how you could instantly sour a conversation and relationship with your girlfriend or wife. These five sure-fire conversation starters will have your face slapped faster than you can say ‘feminism’.

“You look and act just like your mother.” – Nothing is more terrifying to a woman than the prospect of being exactly like their scatter brained, sagging and difficult to cope with mother. Unleash the beast in her by further elaborating on all the different mannerisms that are ‘totally identical’ to her mother.

“Women’s rights have gone too far.” – Even if she isn’t a feminist, this one is always a whirlwind topic. “The glass ceiling should really be the steel barred ceiling so a woman knows her place in society.” comment is an instant train wreck conversation. For the bonus round, mention women’s rights have gone too far at home as well and any reference to kitchen appliances and bare feet will really stir the pot with flying colors!

“Marriage is a barbaric institution.” – For all those women dreaming of that walk down the isle, and that day ‘just for her’, you have snapped that concept in the neck and left it for dead. It’s like when you were young and your father told you that being a comic book writer was a pipe dream… regardless of whether it was or not, you were pissed to hear about it.

“How come both your parents are thin but you aren’t?” – The fact that you have so blatantly stated the obvious about her ever amassing weight, and narrowed it down to her own doing in a single sentence has such an awe inspiring precision to it. After she has taken a moment to gather her thoughts, she will commence a torrent of deficiencies she believes you have. Always educational!

“The Bare Naked Ladies is stupefyingly annoying music.” – Then when you spill the beans that essentially all of her girly music is dumb and nonsensical, you have essentially declared war. Her feeble rebuttal will be limited to, surprisingly enough, your musical taste and most likely extend into your movie, video game and every other thing you listen, watch or wank off to.

Enjoy, and watch your relationship deplete right before your eyes!