All Stories

The guy and his blonde date were sitting on a park bench, enjoying the nice summer afternoon.

Suddenly, the fellow feels something wet plop on his head. He reaches up and sure enough, there’s a pile of pigeon poop in his hair. He looks up, his date sees him excited and looking, so she looks upwards too. There’s a pigeon circling above, and then the pigeon flies away, down the walkway and through the trees.

The fellow says, “Do you have some tissue or toilet paper?”

His date says, “What for? That bird has to be at least two blocks away by now. You’re never going to catch it.”

Little Johnny has a question, so he goes around the house to find his father. He opens his dad’s bedroom door and finds his mom and dad humping away on the bed! “Dad!” says Johnny, “What are you doing!” Johnny’s father stops humping for a second and says “Well, Johnny, I’m playing poker…and your mother’s the wild card”. “Oh,” says Johnny and he leaves the room..

Still in need of an answer to his question, Little Johnny set out to look for his big brother, Ernie. He opens his brother’s bedroom door and finds Ernie and his girlfriend Thelma humping away! “Ernie!” cried Johnny, “What are you doing!”. Ernie stops humping for a second and says, “Well…I’m playing poker, Johnny… and Thelma is the wildcard. “Oh”, says Johnny and he leaves the room.

Later, Johnny’s dad approached Johnny’s room to call him to dinner. He opens Johnny’s bedroom door and finds Johnny whacking off like it was going out of style! “Johnny!” his father said, “I see you’re playing poker, but for heaven’s sake, I don’t see any wildcard?”

Johnny replies, “When you got a hand like this, nobody needs a wildcard!”

Blonde Parking

The blonde is getting a driving lesson.
“Let’s try parallel parking at that empty spot up there,” says the instructor.
The blonde works and turns, backs up, goes forward, backs up, goes forward, and finally says, “Whew, there!”
The instructor looks out his window and sees the curb about four feet away.
“Can you get a little bit closer?” he asks.
“Sure” says the blonde, as she unbuckles her seatbelt and slides over to to him.