All Stories

Two hillbillies were out fishing one afternoon. They were busy telling each other stories, drinking and talking, about their relatives and friends. There was dumb ol’ Billy Joe, and tough as nails Jack Bob, and that really good looking Jenny Sue. More beer, and more talking about girls and relatives, and more beer.

The afternoon goes on. The sun is shining down. The beer is going down well. After even a few more swigs of beer, Bob Roy turns to the other and says, “Hey Herm, supposin’ I was to sneak over to your place one of these Saturdays and make love to your wife, while you were out huntin’ or workin’ on the moonshine. And what if she got pregnant and had a baby. Would you be thinkin’ that would be makin’ us kinfolk?”

Herm takes a couple slugs of his own beer, thinks a bit, and then says, “I’m not too surein’ about that, but I do know it would pretty well make us even.”

It’s a big gala party at an East Coast mansion. A woman from Texas and a woman from New York bump into each other. The woman from Texas says to the woman from New York, “Hi! I’m from Texas. Where y’all from?” The woman from New York sniffs, “Where I come from we don’t end our sentences with prepositions.” So, the woman from Texas says, “Fine! Where y’all from  … ya bitch?!”

A few minutes later, the woman from New York meets the woman from Texas’ husband. This seems obvious because the fellow is wearing boots and a cowboy hat. She’s steamed at the Texas broad for calling her names, and decides she is going to get even in her New York – East Coast way with these hillbillies.  So she asks, in a very suggestive voice, “Is there anything I can do for you, handsome?” “Welllll,” replies the Texan, “I sure could use a piece of ass.”

The woman from New York nods, thinking that’s just fine, takes the Texan into the bedroom, takes off all of her clothes, takes off all of his clothes, and engages in a hot session of mad passionate lovemaking with him. After they are done, she again says suggestively, “Now, handsome, is there anything else I can do for you?”

“Well, ma’am,” he replies, “you is a right purdy gal, but you are nowhere near as much fun as my wife.  And you know, I still sure could use that piece of ass for my drink.”

The doctor was explaining to O’Malley how nature reacted when certain disabilities happen to people.
“For example,” he said, “if a person goes blind, he will probably develop keener senses, like hearing, and touch. If he is stone deaf, he will develop other senses, perhaps a better sense of smell.”
“Ah, I see what you mean,” said O’Malley. “In fact I’ve noticed that myself. Like for instance, if a bloke has one short leg, then the other one is always longer.”