Official CNN Drinking Game

This drinking game, unlike others, is guaranteed to get you absolutely and completely shit faced drunk in well under an hour, so you can be on your way to projectile vomiting long before the night is over. So gather your alcoholic friends around the idiot box, because it’s time to finally get up to date with world events and get fucking plastered at the same time, its the Official CNN Drinking Game! Yay!

Game Objective

To binge drink yourself until you’re either retching up tacos in the back yard; on a operating table having your stomach pumped; or unconscious on the bathroom floor being sleep fucked by your best friend.

How to Play

Number of Players
2 to 10 – having more than 10 puts a strain on the local ambulance supply.

Items Needed
One pair of dice; kegs of beer; plenty’o’booze; 1 mickie of rum.

How To Play
Tune into CNN (no, I don’t know what bloody channel it is!). Each time you hear or see one of the keywords listed below in the Game Table, slam the corresponding amount and type of alcohol down your pie hole. The first one convulsing on the floor with flailing arms and legs, wins!

Game Table – What The Fuck Is That?
The “If you hear…” column means any time you hear an announcer, news person, an interviewer or interviewee saying the keyword. “If you read…” means any time you see the keyword on that annoying ticker at the bottom the screen, in a title or elsewhere on the screen during a news broadcast.

Qualifying Beverages
“Booze” refers to gin, vodka, Bacardi, bourbon, rum, no pantie waist coolers or ciders. “Beer” refers to real beer that is 4.5% or above. “Skull” is defined as to complete a full standard sized container or glass of beer or booze. “Swig” is a large gulp of a drink. “Sip” is defined as the typical amount you would drink each time you are usually taking a hit of booze, “nursing it sips” are not permitted.

Players who dribble beer out the sides of their mouth pieces when skulling are disqualified. Any attempts to water down or lessen the alcoholic content of a shot or beer is deemed a gaylord for all of eternity and that player is definitely disqualified.

Bonus Play
If you hear any three or more keywords in a single sentence (example “Members of the Iraq terrorist regime have assembled weapons of mass destruction aimed at Paris Hilton’s estate.”) means all players must role a pair of dice once; player with highest number must skull that mickie of rum you were wondering about. Can someone say “trashed beyond recognition?” Ouch!

If any two or more players are caught bitching about who drank what and how and it’s unfounded, they both have to man up and skull a beer. We’re all here for the common goal of getting wasted, not to bicker like a bunch of clucking hens. Grow up and drink god damn it.

Game Table

Keyword If You Hear If You Read
weapons of mass destruction 1 skull beer 1 skull booze
terror alert 1 swig of beer 1 swig of booze
terrorist 1 swig of beer 1 swig of booze
regime 1 swig of beer 1 swig of booze
war 1 sip of beer 1 sip of booze
Iraq 1 sip of beer 1 sip of booze
Iran 1 sip of beer 1 sip of booze
Paris Hilton 2 sips of beer 2 sips of booze
Britany Spears 1 sip of beer 1 sip of booze