Words from your lover …

The Last Thing You Want To Hear From Your Newest Lover…….
  1. Don’t worry dear, everybody looks funny naked!
  2. You brought me to your room for that?
  3. Did I mention the video camera?
  4. (holding a banana) It’s just a little trick I learned at the zoo!
  5. (holding three hardboiled eggs) It’s just a little trick I saw in Manila!
  6. Do you smell something burning?
  7. (in a janitor’s closet) And they say romance is dead…
  8. Try breathing through your nose.
  9. When did a little rug burn hurt anyone!
  10. Play with yourself hon, you ain’t sticking something that big in me.
  11. Is that a Medic-Alert Pendant?
  12. I get to take off the teeth braces when I turn 15.
  13. Sweetheart, did you lock the back door?
  14. But whipped cream makes me break out.
  15. Person 1: This is your first time..right?
    Person 2: Uh huh…this afternoon
  16. (in the No Tell Motel) Can you snap it up! This room rents by the Hour!
  17. Can you please pass me the remote control?
  18. Do you take Visa?
  19. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
  20. On second thought, maybe we really should turn off the lights.
  21. And just think – I was really trying to pick up your friend!
  22. So much for mouth-to-mouth.
  23. (using body paint) Try not to leave any stains, okay?
  24. I sure hope you’re just as good looking when I’m sober…
  25. Do you get any premium movie channels?
  26. Try not to smear my make-up, will ya!
  27. (preparing to use peanut butter sexually) But I just steam-cleaned this couch!
  28. Got any penicillin?
  29. But I just brushed my teeth…
  30. Smile, you’re on Candid Camera!
  31. I think I lost the keys to the handcuffs!
  32. I want a baby!
  33. So much for the fulfillment of sexual fantasies!
  34. (in a menage a trois) Why am I doing all the work?
  35. Maybe we should call Dr. Ruth…
  36. Did you know the ceiling in here needs painting?
  37. I think you have it on backwards.
  38. I really think sex will strain your heart too much dear.
  39. When is this supposed to feel good?
  40. Put that blender back in the kitchen where it belongs!
  41. You’re almost good enough to do this for a living!
  42. Is that blood on the headboard?
  43. Did I remember to take my pill?
  44. Are you sure I don’t know you from somewhere?
  45. I wish we got the Playboy channel…
  46. That leak better be from the waterbed!
  47. I told you it wouldn’t work without batteries!
  48. But my cat always sleeps on that pillow..
  49. Did I tell you my Aunt Martha died in this bed?
  50. If you quit smoking you might have more endurance..
  51. No, really… I do this part better myself!
  52. It’s nice being in bed with a woman I don’t have to inflate!
  53. This would be a lot more fun with a few more people..
  54. Do you think we should stop so you can catch your breath?
  55. Did you know you’re almost as good as my ex!
  56. Do you know the definition of statutory rape?
  57. Is that you I smell or is it your mattress stuffed with rotten potatoes?
  58. You look a lot younger than you feel.
  59. Maybe you’re just out of practice.
  60. You sweat more than a galloping stallion!
  61. They’re not cracker crumbs, it’s just a rash.
  62. Now I know why he/she dumped you…
  63. Does your husband own a sawed-off shotgun?
  64. You give me reason to conclude that foreplay is overrated.
  65. Huh? What tampon?
  66. Have you ever considered liposuction?
  67. And to think, I didn’t even have to buy you dinner!
  68. What are you planning to make for breakfast?
  69. I have a confession…
  70. I was so horny tonight I would have taken a duck home!
  71. Are those real or am I just behind the times?
  72. Were you by any chance repressed as a child?
  73. Is that a hanging sculpture?
  74. You’ll still vote for me, won’t you?
  75. Want to hear all about my transsexual operation?
  76. I really hate women who actually think sex means something!
  77. I really hate men who actually think sex means nothing!
  78. Did you come yet, dear?
  79. I’ll tell you who I’m fanatasizing about if you tell me who you’re fantasizing about…
  80. A good plastic surgeon can take care of that in no time!
  81. Does this count as a date?
  82. Oprah Winfrey had a show about men like you!
  83. Hic! I need another beer for this please.
  84. I think biting is romantic- don’t you?
  85. Q: You can cook, too right?
    A: (Whaddaya think I’m doin’?)
  86. So when would you like to meet my parents?
  87. Man: Maybe it would help if I thought about someone I really like… Woman: Yourself?
  88. Have you seen “Fatal Attraction”?
  89. Sorry about the name tags, I’m not very good with names.
  90. Don’t mind me.. I always file my nails in bed.
  91. (picking up cell phone) Do you mind if I make a few phone calls?
  92. I hope I didn’t forget to turn the gas oven off. Do you have a light?
  93. Don’t worry, my dog’s really friendly for a Doberman.
  94. Sorry but I don’t do toes!
  95. You could at least ACT like you’re enjoying it!
  96. KY jelly or no KY jelly, I said NO!
  97. Keep it down, my mother is a light sleeper…
  98. I’ll bet you didn’t know I work for “The Enquirer”.
  99. So that’s why they call you MR. Flash!
  100. My old girlfriend used to do it a LOT longer!
  101. My old boyfriend used to do it a LOT longer!
  102. Is this a sin too?
  103. I’ve slept with more women than Wilt Chamberlain!
  104. I’ve slept with more men than Mae West!
  105. Say, when do you want to look after my friend?
  106. Long kisses clog my sinuses…
  107. Please understand that I’m only doing this for a raise…
  108. How long do you plan to be “almost there”?
  109. You mean you’re NOT my blind date?
  110. Beige. I think I’ll paint the ceiling beige


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