The 4 stages of life:
1. You believe in Santa Claus
2. You don’t believe in Santa Claus
3. You dress up as Santa Claus
4. You look like Santa Claus

I was looking out of the window this morning and said to my wife “It looks like rain dear.”

What did the snowman eat?
Icebergs with chilli sauce.

What do you call a singing elf with sideburns?

Who delivers Christmas presents to dogs?
Santa paws!
Santa Claus is complaining to Mrs. Santa.

“I must be getting old. This whole Christmas Eve gig is still lots of fun, but I am sure feeling the cold. The wind keeps blowing right through the suit and those buttons don’t do a very good job keeping the wind out. I think I should get a new suit that has lots more insulation, and maybe get a windshield for the sleigh.”

Mrs. Claus says “Now now dear. You know if you get any fatter, you won’t be able to get down chimneys to deliver the children’s presents. And it wouldn’t be very traditional if your sleigh had a heater or a windshield. It’s too late to sew up a new suit with more buttons or even a zipper. But if you turn the suit around so the buttons are at the back, I’m sure that would stop that cold wind from freezing you.”

So, that’s what Santa did. And sure enough, it did a very good job of keeping Santa warm. In fact, it was so good that Santa decided he didn’t need that windshield. In fact, so good he told his reindeer to fly faster. The wind didn’t bother him at all.

Everything was going good until they came to a particular house. They were all flying so fast, the reindeer couldn’t stop safely. All the reindeer went skidding off the roof and crash into trees in the backyard of the house next door. The sleigh is a tangled mess, hanging in another tree by the side of the house.. And poor Santa is knocked unconscious, flying into a snowdrift right out by the street in front of the house.

A passing motorist sees Santa laying in the snow. Of course, he has no idea of the terrible accident. All he sees is Santa in a snowdrift.  He phones  911 and tells them he thinks he needs an ambulance right away.

The 911 operator wants to know if there are any vital signs.

“Well there were when I first got here, but it doesn’t look good right now,” says the good Samaritan.

“Did you notice anything unusual happening?” asks the operator.

“Not really” says the good Samaratian. “In fact, everything was pretty well fine until I untwisted his neck and got his head facing forward again.”